Totally True Chuck Norris Facts

If you are asking yourself what is so great about Chuck Norris, you truly are a silly young civilian. Since I am a very kind boy, I shall enlighten you on his glorious goodness. If you are saying that you don't care who he is and what he does, A certain God will come to your house tonight and the last thing you will see will be a lightning fast roundhouse kick. I seriously doubt you will survive that, but if you do in  some kind of incredibly unlikely event, now you know who to bow down to. That's right. Chuck Norris. To your right (and maybe left) is his mightyness himself. What's that? Why is he dressed up as Jesus? You silly person. Chuck Norris isn't dressed up as Jesus! Jesus is dressed up as Chuck Norris! The day you understand this is the day you start living. If you find out any new and updated Chuck Norris facts, email me IMMEDIATELY.I don't know if you understand this, But Chuck Norris facts aren't jokes. They are NECESSITIES. If you do, I shall acknowledge you as a human being, and that's one step closer to being acknowledges by Chuck Norris. Do you have any complaints about Chuck Norris? Email them to me. After about 5 seconds your head will be on the ground.

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
The Dinosaurs looked at Chuck Norris the wrong way once. ONCE.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
When the Boogyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
Oxygen requires Chuck Norris to live.
Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas.
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Bigfoot takes pictures of Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can MAKE water run uphill.
Chuck Norris once played Russian roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
If you were killed by Chuck Norris, your tombstone would read RIP, ripped into pieces.
Chuck Norris' smile once brought a baby back to life.
Chuck Norris lost both his legs in a car accident....and still managed to walk it off.
When Chuck Norris crosses the street, the cars have to look both ways.
When Chuck Norris throws a boomerang, the boomerang does not return because it is scared to come back.
The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably
What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine. But then Chuck Norris turned that wine into beer.
Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.
When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
Chuck Norris always knows the EXACT location of Carmen SanDiego.
When taking the SAT, write "Chuck Norris" for every answer. You will score over 8000.
Chuck Norris has 12 moons. One of those moons is Earth.
Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
There are no living creatures on Mars because Chuck Norris went there for a vacation.